ambiguity

I know nightmares are common in PTSD, but how do you know if what haunts you in your sleep is real or not? I always told myself that if it wasn't something I'd remembered during the day then it wasn't real. But the nightmare I had last week feels so real that I find it …

not better

I'm trying to settle my nerves but haven't been sleeping well at all since the visit on Saturday even though I take meds to help with it. I thought leaving them behind would change everything. Apparently not. The drive to my Auntie's was good except for the waves of panic that would suddenly envelop me …

letters not sent–one year later

Dear T, Here I sit, one year later, in the exact same place where I told you I was never coming home again. So much has changed over the last year but parts of it remain exactly the same. Will there ever be a part of me that doesn't want to die? It doesn't matter …

arrival

My aunt and uncle are arriving today. I woke up this morning and had the deepest sense of dread. I've been trying to get my work done, but my mind keeps drifting to thoughts of them. They feel too close. I don't want them here. Technically the house we live in belongs to my parents, …

letters not sent–stuck

Dear T, I feel so sad today. It's rainy and dark and I'm sitting here at my desk in the corner of my room where I'm supposed to be working but instead am wondering what I can do to make things feel better. I've been working really hard at holding things together between our therapy …

letters not sent–rainy day blues

Dear T, I feel awful and disconnected today. I don't know what to do with myself to try to push away the sadness and discomfort that I'm feeling. My brain tells me it's been mere hours since we've met but it feels like much more that that. I'm sitting here trying to figure out why …