change…it’s slow and hard work

Everything feels forced. Thoughts. Feelings. Life in general, I suppose. I don't want to be around anyone or anything. Don't feel much like talking either. I don't even know what I'm going to post about because things are rapidly shifting inside and I can't seem to focus on any one thing. I broke down and …

it’s hard to love

Most days I feel as though on some level my parents hated me. As though they were happy just having my brother and I was this giant mistake that they never really wanted. I feel like I've always somehow been a disappointment to them. Like I will always be a disappointment to them. I was …

nightmares

I've had nightmares for as long as I can remember. When I was little I would bury my face in my pillow and cry myself to sleep because I was afraid to close my eyes. They come and go. Sometimes they last a few days and then fade away for a little while. Sometimes they …

outlasting life’s storms

It is both the light and the dark that make this world beautiful. Sometimes all we can do is just try to outlast the storm. Sometimes we don't have any answers. Sometimes we have nothing to say. Sometimes we no longer want to hold on to anything. Would everything come crashing down if we stopped …

what got me to here–part 3

***TW: self-harm, suicide, childhood sexual abuse   pâro n. the feeling that no matter what you do it's always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there’s some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you, each of them leaning back in their …

what got me to here–part 2

***TW: childhood sexual abuse, abuse In a corner of my soul there hides a tiny frightened child, who is frightened by a corner where there lingers something wild - Shaun Hick My mind is a whirlwind of thoughts and feelings. I think I've reached a sort of calm, detached place but things feel anything but …