a complicated death

My aunt, the one whose house I went to all those years ago, passed away late Wednesday. To say my feelings about the matter are complicated would be an understatement. I'm trying my best to keep busy so that my mind can focus on other things--things that don't remind me of what was all those …

Him

I never quite know how to start talking about my father. February 1st will be 12 years since he died and I always thought a huge weight would be lifted off of my shoulders once he was gone. It hasn't happened that way though. Perhaps a part of me felt we could pretend a little …

things I should probably tell my therapist but most likely won’t–feeling sorry for myself

I DON'T THINK PEOPLE UNDERSTAND HOW STRESSFUL IT IS TO EXPLAIN WHAT'S GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND IT YOURSELF. YOU KNOW THAT YOU NEED TO LET GO, BUT YOU CAN'T, BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL WAITING FOR THE IMPOSSIBLE TO HAPPEN...unknown author These things that have happened, they've ruined everything. My life, …

stuck in the in-between places

I'm not sure what to say these days. Things have been, I don't know the right word, rough I suppose, and I've found myself in a very bad place. As in those really dark places. I know you know the ones. Where your words won't come and you find yourself distant and alone and just …

how is it only Thursday?

This week seems to be dragging. I've often been left feeling as though I am stuck in an expanse of time in which I am neither here nor there, lost at sea and left battling the wars from the inside, drowning in the thoughts that cannot be verbalized. I'm starting to think that perhaps the …

it’s not that simple

TW: talk of suicide  I had this from earlier in the week, but I didn't want to post it. Today, I decided I would.... The week is stretching out before me. I feel restless. Tired, because it hurts to be here. A little bit scared. I can feel myself starting to drift away, like a …