not ready

As I hear the excited chatter of people outside of my office door and the wishes of a Merry Christmas, the only thing I can think is--I'm not ready. I'm not ready for the people, the dinner, the loudness and what feels like an utter invasion of my personal space. I'm not ready to face … Continue reading not ready


It's a strange thing to watch yourself slowly retreat from the world around you. Normally I never know it's happening but right now I can feel it and am doing absolutely nothing to stop it. The closer we get to Christmas, the harder it is to breathe. I still have things to do but I … Continue reading pretending


I saw T yesterday and we talked about some of the things that I posted last time in where do you think I am? He asked me if terror, panic and nothingness weren't about missing and needing, then what were they about? I couldn't explain it no matter how hard I tried and all I … Continue reading catastrophic