Him

I never quite know how to start talking about my father. February 1st will be 12 years since he died and I always thought a huge weight would be lifted off of my shoulders once he was gone. It hasn't happened that way though. Perhaps a part of me felt we could pretend a little …

trying to distract

Christmas wasn't the greatest. C only saw his dad for 15 minutes and right in front of him they talked about how they had the whole family over Christmas Eve and then were going tobogganing on Boxing Day. Not once did they say they missed C or ask him to do anything with them. I …

my anger

I've been working on anger the last few days. Most of the time I find myself wearing a smile that I don't believe in while inside I feel like screaming. I feel so angry, yet all I can do is cry. I hate when the anger turns to tears. I know there is no such …

updates and more art

It's been a bit since I've posted here. I feel like everything and nothing has happened all at the same time. I still haven't talked to M. Pretty soon it's going to be a year and while I try to tell myself it will get better it's quite hard to feel positive about that situation. …

do it yourself art therapy

I've been journaling for years about all of my thoughts, feelings and emotions but lately I've found it doesn't seem to have the same calming effect it once did. When I was in hospital a few months back they did different art projects and I absolutely loved it. Since then I've been trying to do …

falling again

I got another message regarding M yesterday. Apparently he does not want to see me on Christmas Day and does not care whether or not I give him any gifts or not. I feel like I'll always be someone he won't want to talk to. I can't take it back, what happened between his dad …