I’ve been working on anger the last few days. Most of the time I find myself wearing a smile that I don’t believe in while inside I feel like screaming. I feel so angry, yet all I can do is cry. I hate when the anger turns to tears.
I know there is no such thing as a perfect family. Of everything that’s happened to me in my life I think family betrayal is the worst. It’s almost unbearable. In a lot of ways it’s a pain that’s hard to describe. The betrayal is deep. It keeps you in it and next to it and it replays again and again and again. It changes your entire sense of order, safety and identity.
Anger heeds anger and like a fire it arises and lights, illuminates and can create. It can become a destructive force, a raging forest that will destroy you and those around you. If the anger wins you will be annihilated.
I have a hard time talking about it. It so very often leaves me feeling abandoned and alone. Sometimes, all I can do is doodle…