still here, still struggling

Well, here we are again. Trying to patiently wait for something we aren't quite sure even exists. Life is hard, yet we continue to put one foot in front of the other. Perhaps our will to live currently outweighs that of dying. We've been trying to be more honest in therapy and it's hard. The …

the shadow is back

It felt like things had been slowly getting back to what I can only say feels like a bit of normalcy. But another bad nightmare, plus some other things happening and we're back in the land of the darkness again. Hmmm where to begin. About a month ago, I got offered a new job. It's …

Him

I never quite know how to start talking about my father. February 1st will be 12 years since he died and I always thought a huge weight would be lifted off of my shoulders once he was gone. It hasn't happened that way though. Perhaps a part of me felt we could pretend a little …

turn back the clock

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't want to fight with anyone. I just want things to be calm and quiet. I want to hide from everything and everyone. I don't want things to be this way. I got a call from outpatient mental health services yesterday. The referral my psychiatrist put in for me back in …

parental alienation

First of all I'd like to thank those who commented on my last post about the voicemail I received from M. It's been a difficult couple of days mostly spent in shock that a 12 year old speaks that way, let alone my 12 year old. I've decided not to engage. For now. As one …

voicemail

Well today feels like it's one that broke the camel's back. I got a voicemail from M and to be honest I'm just not sure how things ever escalated this far. It's obvious from the message his father has been feeding him crap about me but to be 12 years old and have this much …