stuck in the in-between places

I'm not sure what to say these days. Things have been, I don't know the right word, rough I suppose, and I've found myself in a very bad place. As in those really dark places. I know you know the ones. Where your words won't come and you find yourself distant and alone and just …

aftershocks

The feelings of chaos and overwhelm from the last couple of weeks have given way to other things. There is a definite sense of resignation in it all, but something else is underlying everything. I can't quite put my finger on it, but something is there all the time--like aftershocks following an earthquake--with an uncanny …

which is worse–anxiety or depression

I am stuck in a state of nothingness. Empty. T says it's because the breaks are unmanageable for me. I actually thought I did okay for the most part and I tried to explain that this time it was different. The panic and feeling of missing him, or the fear that he had disappeared wasn't there. …

i don’t know how to tell you

I've been struggling. A lot. With life and therapy and my relationship with T. He hasn't changed at all (at least not that I've noticed), so I'm not sure what it's all about. For as long as I've been in therapy it's been hard for me to talk, so T and I communicate most of …

what got me to here–part 3

***TW: self-harm, suicide, childhood sexual abuse   pâro n. the feeling that no matter what you do it's always somehow wrong—that any attempt to make your way comfortably through the world will only end up crossing some invisible taboo—as if there’s some obvious way forward that everybody else can see but you, each of them leaning back in their …

memories

When things like the things that happened, happen, it feels as though you are exposed constantly. You lose all sense of privacy when your entire being is violated. Afterwards, it feels as though everyone can see right through you and they just know what happened. I don’t know how they know, it just feels that …