the shadow is back

It felt like things had been slowly getting back to what I can only say feels like a bit of normalcy. But another bad nightmare, plus some other things happening and we're back in the land of the darkness again. Hmmm where to begin. About a month ago, I got offered a new job. It's …

ambiguity

I know nightmares are common in PTSD, but how do you know if what haunts you in your sleep is real or not? I always told myself that if it wasn't something I'd remembered during the day then it wasn't real. But the nightmare I had last week feels so real that I find it …

not better

I'm trying to settle my nerves but haven't been sleeping well at all since the visit on Saturday even though I take meds to help with it. I thought leaving them behind would change everything. Apparently not. The drive to my Auntie's was good except for the waves of panic that would suddenly envelop me …

trapped

Time is moving so slowly at the moment that I'm not entirely sure whether it's even moving at all. I feel lost, disconnected from this thing called life. Where has everyone gone and what does it mean? I feel so infinitely small like a tiny speck of dust floating in the air. Will I ever …

falling flat

Friday's session was not a good one for me. It started out fine, the usual 'how are you?' followed by some basic chatter about the weather, vaccinations and such followed by another 'how are you, really?'. It's good that we have these types of conversations. Before, T used to sit and stare at me, not …