to tell or not

I imagine it in my head. My aunt has died and all that's left will be two more aunts I never really talk to. My father's family will be severed. When that happens it'll be the day I tell my mother what happened at my aunt's house when I was a child. At least that's …

Dear T, sorry for being so needy

The last four days have been a real struggle which has ended up with 2 emails and 6 text messages to T...eeek! He's still here and says I'm not a giant pain in his arse although that's exactly how it feels most of the time. My last text went like this: T, you don't have …

letters to T–my mother

We have been spending what feels like copious amounts of time in therapy talking about my parents. I'm not sure if it will ever feel better. Sometimes, especially when I talk about my mother, I feel quite awful afterwards. T says it's all okay to feel the way that I feel but even that doesn't …

updating…

I've been thinking about writing this blog post for awhile but honestly I haven't had much energy to do long writing lately. Even my beloved journaling has been pushed to the wayside. I'm not sure really what is happening with that as journaling has pretty much been my saving grace throughout all of this. Even …

Father’s Day

Here I sit on the eve of one of my top two most hated holidays, Father's Day. Friends Facebook and Instagram posts will be starting early tomorrow, celebrations of joy and thankfulness for 1/2 of their DNA. I of course, won't be celebrating anything. I don't know how I will be spending the day this …

words on leaving

She went awayShe came backLeft againNothing was the sameShe left meAnd all I could feel was thatI wasn’t worth it I was leftWishing I was good enough The tearsTears aren't strong enoughThe years aren't long enoughI feel like I've spent all my time looking for somethingSomething that'll never come You leave tooUncertainty loomsMaybe it’s foreverDon’t …