let’s talk about it

This post is really hard for me to write. Not only because I’m not very engaged right now but because I always feel ashamed thinking and talking about suicide. The past 2 years have kind of been a constant struggle for me mentally. Even with the help of medication, I’ll go through periods where I …

letters not sent–truths

Dear T, I don’t want to write this letter. I don’t want to say these words. I don’t want to be sitting on this couch not understanding what I’ve done wrong yet again. I don’t really understand what you were trying to say to me but my ears heard that I need to try harder …

untethered

Sometimes it's hard not giving up. It's as though there is this invisible pull that wants to take you to a different place where things have a promise of being better. Logically, I know this isn't a real thing and there isn't somewhere out there that's going to magically make everything better but to that …

letters not sent–one year later

Dear T, Here I sit, one year later, in the exact same place where I told you I was never coming home again. So much has changed over the last year but parts of it remain exactly the same. Will there ever be a part of me that doesn't want to die? It doesn't matter …

letters not sent–rainy day blues

Dear T, I feel awful and disconnected today. I don't know what to do with myself to try to push away the sadness and discomfort that I'm feeling. My brain tells me it's been mere hours since we've met but it feels like much more that that. I'm sitting here trying to figure out why …

letters not sent–feeling sad

Dear T, We met today and part of me just wanted to sink into the silence that exists between us sometimes so that I could try to reset what's happening on the inside but your gentle prodding prevented that from happening. We talked a bit about our upcoming holidays...first yours and then mine. It's not …