family drama

After my last posting about M I thought perhaps it was time for a proper update. And no, I unfortunately do not have any updates about M and how that situation is going. I sent him another text but once again it's gone unanswered. Where to begin... My last post was about my aunt dying. …

I think I f****d up

I know it's been awhile since I've posted on here and it's not that I haven't had anything to say. Rather, I think it's a case of indifference and exhaustion on my part that has me not really feeling like sharing with anyone. But I had a situation last night that I'm second guessing my …

a complicated death

My aunt, the one whose house I went to all those years ago, passed away late Wednesday. To say my feelings about the matter are complicated would be an understatement. I'm trying my best to keep busy so that my mind can focus on other things--things that don't remind me of what was all those …

family matters

So my aunt, the one whose house I used to go to when I was smaller, is in the hospital with congestive heart failure. My mom doesn't seem to think she'll last too long. Most of me doesn't care, but a small part of me does. Not too long ago my uncle, her husband, was …

still here, still struggling

Well, here we are again. Trying to patiently wait for something we aren't quite sure even exists. Life is hard, yet we continue to put one foot in front of the other. Perhaps our will to live currently outweighs that of dying. We've been trying to be more honest in therapy and it's hard. The …

dissociation, eye contact and finding myself in an uncomfortable place

Last week I sent the following message to T: I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy, yet, I just saw it flicker out of the corner of my eye. I know something is in this room. Waiting. There is something that haunts the daytime and fills the nights with fear and dread. And as much as …