a New Year

I'm not sure where to start or what to say. Does that mean that the words swirling around my brain serve no purpose? I'm not sure. Nothing stands out for me that might have happened since my last post but for some reason I can feel myself curling into a little cocoon, sheltering me away …

trying to distract

Christmas wasn't the greatest. C only saw his dad for 15 minutes and right in front of him they talked about how they had the whole family over Christmas Eve and then were going tobogganing on Boxing Day. Not once did they say they missed C or ask him to do anything with them. I …

chaos

My recent interactions with my ex's wife in regards to M has gotten me to think about how Christmas was for me growing up. I remember it like it was yesterday and the only word to describe it was chaos. From the minute the holidays started it was like an overload of visiting and eating …

Christmas conversations

Conversations about Christmas with the ex's wife. I need to communicate with her because my ex won't talk to me and I'm not privy to M's cell number. Me: does M want to come to dinner on Thursday? Her: probably not...he has no interest Me: okay, thanks anyways Her: it would be nice for C …

rejection

Your whole life can change in a moment and you never even know when it's coming. After, everything is different...forever. I feel like I'm being torn apart...like no matter what I do or what I say somebody's going to get hurt. There comes a point when we need to make our own decisions. I just …

my anger

I've been working on anger the last few days. Most of the time I find myself wearing a smile that I don't believe in while inside I feel like screaming. I feel so angry, yet all I can do is cry. I hate when the anger turns to tears. I know there is no such …