voicemail

Well today feels like it's one that broke the camel's back. I got a voicemail from M and to be honest I'm just not sure how things ever escalated this far. It's obvious from the message his father has been feeding him crap about me but to be 12 years old and have this much …

rejection

Your whole life can change in a moment and you never even know when it's coming. After, everything is different...forever. I feel like I'm being torn apart...like no matter what I do or what I say somebody's going to get hurt. There comes a point when we need to make our own decisions. I just …

let’s talk about DNA–random thoughts of the day

Sometimes, I like to watch Law & Order: SVU. I probably shouldn't because it's triggering as hell but I like to watch them nail those guilty dirtbags to the wall. Anyways, today's episode was about DNA and whether or not the genes of a perpetrator can be passed on to their children. I remember a …

rambles

I feel like I am just buying time, as though we really aren't supposed to be here. There is always a part of me that feels like I need permission just in order to exist in this world because we've never had the opportunity to just be. Some days I feel like stepping off the …

two years

To my beautiful M. It's been two years since you've lived with me and 53 days since I've talked to you or seen your handsome face. You're growing up so fast and I feel like I am missing all of the important parts of your life. I imagine your voice will soon be changing and …

Merry Christmas, M

On this snowy Christmas Eve I'm struck by a sudden sadness of things that just won't be. I'm trying my best to stay in reasonable spirits for C, but it's not that easy. I'm also trying to tell myself that this year is different for many people because of the pandemic and I know I'm …