Him

I never quite know how to start talking about my father. February 1st will be 12 years since he died and I always thought a huge weight would be lifted off of my shoulders once he was gone. It hasn't happened that way though. Perhaps a part of me felt we could pretend a little …

turn back the clock

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't want to fight with anyone. I just want things to be calm and quiet. I want to hide from everything and everyone. I don't want things to be this way. I got a call from outpatient mental health services yesterday. The referral my psychiatrist put in for me back in …

parental alienation

First of all I'd like to thank those who commented on my last post about the voicemail I received from M. It's been a difficult couple of days mostly spent in shock that a 12 year old speaks that way, let alone my 12 year old. I've decided not to engage. For now. As one …

voicemail

Well today feels like it's one that broke the camel's back. I got a voicemail from M and to be honest I'm just not sure how things ever escalated this far. It's obvious from the message his father has been feeding him crap about me but to be 12 years old and have this much …

the blahs and feeling judged

Every once in awhile it feels like everything is going spectacularly to shit and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening. I'm stuck in a deep, dark, blah. Everything feels like it's a struggle--work, mothering, life--and I feel like I'm failing at it all. It's not even because of this stupid pandemic …

a New Year

I'm not sure where to start or what to say. Does that mean that the words swirling around my brain serve no purpose? I'm not sure. Nothing stands out for me that might have happened since my last post but for some reason I can feel myself curling into a little cocoon, sheltering me away …