dissociation, eye contact and finding myself in an uncomfortable place

Last week I sent the following message to T: I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy, yet, I just saw it flicker out of the corner of my eye. I know something is in this room. Waiting. There is something that haunts the daytime and fills the nights with fear and dread. And as much as … Continue reading dissociation, eye contact and finding myself in an uncomfortable place


I never quite know how to start talking about my father. February 1st will be 12 years since he died and I always thought a huge weight would be lifted off of my shoulders once he was gone. It hasn't happened that way though. Perhaps a part of me felt we could pretend a little … Continue reading Him

dark days

I woke up this morning and for a brief moment...forgot about my past. Then it all came flooding back. Time stood still. Everything felt hollow. I wished I could swap places with someone else. It should be them who has to live this way. When someone hurts you that much, how do you...does it ever … Continue reading dark days


There's no map, no route, no arrowhead to follow. We have never walked this way before. They are always there...in quiet corners, in the shadows, in ordinary clothes...and they are terrifying. You need to watch out for them, for they will catch you unaware and fill you with unimaginable fear. There are too many things … Continue reading moments