my penguin

Last week T asked me to think and write about ways I thought it would be possible for me to remember him when we aren't together. He explained that some people remember his face or his voice and then can hear or visualize him saying something. That was their way of keeping him with them. …

truths

It feels like I am sloshing my way through some muddy waters in therapy lately. Most of the time I end up feeling like I need to be dragged along because I can't seem to keep up. Don't get me wrong, the speed of my therapy sessions would be somewhere in the range of sloth-like, …

nothing

We are at the end of week 7 and I do not seem to have settled into any sort of comfortable place. I find myself becoming quite overwhelmed over the smallest things leading me to spiral into quite dark places. Most days, out of nowhere, I get this sense that it would be better if …

a haunted place

Many people who have experienced childhood sexual abuse use dissociation as a coping mechanism. Those of you who understand such things will hear me when I say that it feels like we were made for living through a pandemic. Due to circumstances beyond our control we were forced to become masters of survival, in total …

letters to T

I wrote a letter to T the other day that I wasn't at all comfortable with writing. I had barely started and I could feel a sense of regret creeping up from deep inside. I had been fighting for what feels like forever to keep some things to myself but the blank pages sitting before …

to matter more

This might be short or it might be long. I have no idea really. I've been having an incredibly difficult time the last little while and I simply need to write some things that have been coming up for me. It's hard to engage. It's hard to just be myself. What does that even mean-be …