my penguin

Last week T asked me to think and write about ways I thought it would be possible for me to remember him when we aren’t together. He explained that some people remember his face or his voice and then can hear or visualize him saying something. That was their way of keeping him with them.

I agreed to try, even though I really didn’t understand how it would work or what exactly I should write about. It definitely wasn’t as easy as he made it sound.

I’ve found lately that if I draw something first, like I did in me last post about M, it helps me figure out what it is I want to say, so I decided to do that again. And this is what I came up with.

A penguin. Yes, a penguin. But why a penguin you may ask. I drew the penguins because the father emperor penguin is one of the best dads in the animal Kingdom. Once the mother lays her egg she leaves for two months and the father is left to protect and keep the egg warm from the freezing Antarctic weather. And that’s sort of how he feels to me–someone to take care of me until I can hatch and survive on my own–or at least until my mother comes back or someone/something else can replace the feeling of her not really being there.

That’s what T is for me. Like a substitute. And a really good one too because even after 6 years I’m still alive and he still watches out for me.

I remember a long time ago thinking T would have to be strong like superman in order for us to survive. But I don’t think that’s right anymore. Now we’ve learned that we just need to be resilient under the harshest conditions imaginable–ride out the storms together–unless they happen at 2 am and I can’t reach him. Those are the storms we need to figure out…

So, I told T all of this and while I still didn’t feel like I answered his question he seemed happy with my answer.

So that’s it. For now, until I can survive on my own, he will be my penguin.

7 thoughts on “my penguin

  1. It’s a great drawing and an excellent way to think about the relationship. And you definitely don’t sound like a weirdo! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing.


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