M and mental health struggles

Things feel like they are headed off the rails again with M. We recently switched him schools and while it’s only been one week he absolutely hates it. I don’t think he’s given it a fair chance to be honest but grade 9 is a hard year for any teen and to switch half way through the year must be tough. The other school doesn’t make sense anymore–the location is much further (we’re talking a good 30 minute drive to get him there and then come back home), he’s had some issues with other students (i.e. suspensions) and personally I think the school is too large. The new school is close to home (I can be there and back in under 5 minutes), he doesn’t have to get up as early (like an hour) and the class sizes are a lot smaller. In my mind it’s a much better fit..not only for him, but for me as well if something is needed at the school.

But he isn’t taking it well at all. No, my son is not doing well.

Last evening, just around 7pm I hear someone banging on my back door. I go to answer it and there are two police officers and a crisis worker. My immediate thought was that he did something at school and someone reported him but it turns out he told some of his friends he was going to kill himself and then promptly turned off his phone and stopped answering them. Thankfully, his friends had the good sense to call someone.

I don’t think I handled it well at all. My first thought was ‘yep, I’ve been there and I can totally understand what you’re thinking’. Then it feels like I totally shut down. I don’t remember much of the conversation other than ‘lock up your medications’. Then they gave us the number for the crisis line, told us another crisis worker will follow-up with us next week and then they were gone. They determined he was safe and could be left with me. I didn’t sleep all night, and I kept him home from school today. I keep going through everything in my head and I wonder how I could have missed it. Considering I know exactly how that feels, I try to think of anything that would have warned me of something else. He’s been sleeping more lately but he was still doing things with his friends, though not as often. I don’t know.

We have a doctor’s appointment on Monday. It was for something completely unrelated but now I am going to switch courses and talk to the doctor about it all. I think he’s depressed. He definitely has anger issues and I know sometimes that can mask other mental health issues. I am going to talk to him today and we definitely need to get him some counseling. I was waiting to hear back for a program from our local family services but the lady I was dealing with will not return my phones calls, so I am not waiting on them any longer. Thank goodness for health benefits.

Just when you think things are starting to make a turn around you get blindsided. Wow, it’s tough to be a teen today. I honestly don’t remember having to go through the things they go through now. But part of that might be because we didn’t have electronics and had to have discussions face to face. I don’t know. Anyways, wish us luck in this latest part of our journey.