planning

It feels like we are struggling, T and me. Me, with being completely frank and honest with what's going on and T with not pulling the trigger on having me hospitalized again. I told him straight up that I won't go back there again. I'd rather lie and say everything is okay than end up …

12 days

It would be an utter lie if I were to say that things have improved since my last posting. Quite the opposite actually. I'm not even sure where to begin but here goes... I went on my annual trip to visit my Auntie on September 28th. I'd been struggling immensely with thoughts of suicide for …

the dreaded ‘h’ word and other complications

I've been staring at my screen for hours trying to figure out the direction I'd like this post to go. It's not working out so well so I figure I'll just start writing and see where it takes me. I've been holding onto everything quite tightly but my arms feel full and are starting to …

back from our adventure and she ruins the mood

Well, we survived our camping trip. The weather overall was pretty good. We had a bit of rain one night and tons of wind but we stayed warm and dry. C survived although 2 whole days without electricity was apparently torture for him because God forbid we can't play video games all day...lol. (that response …

unattached to living

For the first time in a very long time I wish I was still a smoker. Like, I would seriously kill for a cigarette right about now. I need something, anything, to keep my hands busy. The last few days have been painfully difficult. I don't know what it is that makes me want to …

it’s an ‘I’d like to eat red Jello’ kinda week

I'm trying to hang in there but this week has actually been quite awful. There isn't anything that jumps out at me. Things just feel hard and the deep sadness lingers. A good friend of mine sent me a message saying that she hoped things were okay and I replied that there've been a few …