one of those days

It's one of those days where I wish I could be anywhere other than where I am. My mother is in one of her moods and what that means is complete agony for the rest of us. She literally drips down her unhappiness on everyone around her. And it hurts I feel like a small …

condemnation

One of the things T always says is that he condemns the behaviour but not the person. He usually says that they have an illness, their own demons that they had to deal with and that doesn't always make them a bad person. At our next session I'm going to ask him what's so bad …

I have a new psychiatrist

Well, I guess she isn't a new psychiatrist because other then when I was inpatient last fall I'd never spoken to a psychiatrist in my life. She's more like my first psychiatrist.....and she's fabulous! Which I already knew of course because we went to high school together. We never really hung out, but we would …

tired

I sent T a text yesterday and I wanted to tell him more about what was going on for me but it all felt pointless. Instead it was the usual 'Dr. K?' followed eventually by his response a bit later 'I'm here'. I wouldn’t say things are absolutely horrific but I wouldn’t say they are …

depression

I want to speak, but my lips feel sewn together like the tight stiches of a handmade quilt. How do you speak if no one’s listening, if your voice is banned, or no one understands your words? The silence rages against me. I’m not sure which way things are supposed to be at the moment …

letters to T

These are the things I write to T in the middle of the night when I can't sleep for the millionth time. TW: talk of sexual abuse and suicide I don’t want to write this letter. I don’t want to say these words. I don’t want to be me sitting on your couch feeling like …