and so it continues

It's been ages since I've felt like writing anything. I think part of it is because once I start, writing almost becomes an all-consuming obsession and I just don't want to go into that place again. I don't even really write to T anymore because the answers are never enough. Not that he doesn't try …

family drama

After my last posting about M I thought perhaps it was time for a proper update. And no, I unfortunately do not have any updates about M and how that situation is going. I sent him another text but once again it's gone unanswered. Where to begin... My last post was about my aunt dying. …

family matters

So my aunt, the one whose house I used to go to when I was smaller, is in the hospital with congestive heart failure. My mom doesn't seem to think she'll last too long. Most of me doesn't care, but a small part of me does. Not too long ago my uncle, her husband, was …

still here, still struggling

Well, here we are again. Trying to patiently wait for something we aren't quite sure even exists. Life is hard, yet we continue to put one foot in front of the other. Perhaps our will to live currently outweighs that of dying. We've been trying to be more honest in therapy and it's hard. The …

dissociation, eye contact and finding myself in an uncomfortable place

Last week I sent the following message to T: I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy, yet, I just saw it flicker out of the corner of my eye. I know something is in this room. Waiting. There is something that haunts the daytime and fills the nights with fear and dread. And as much as …

awkward coversations

Have you ever had those really awkward conversations with your therapist? Well, I broke down and told him about my horrible self-image issues with all the weight I've gained since I've started on my current meds. He was very nice and understanding--like always--but it still felt really uncomfortable. Two new issues came up during our …