awkward coversations

Have you ever had those really awkward conversations with your therapist?

Well, I broke down and told him about my horrible self-image issues with all the weight I’ve gained since I’ve started on my current meds. He was very nice and understanding–like always–but it still felt really uncomfortable.

Two new issues came up during our conversation that we’ve never really talked about before. The first is the incessant name calling that I suffered growing up directly in relation to the amount of weight I was carrying around and the second, which he decided to mention, was that in the field of psychology weight issues are usually related to sexuality–unwanted to be exact. Ugh! Then he asked me if I thought I’d ever want to start dating. I shook my head no because honestly the thought of dating someone right now makes me want to hurl.

Like always, I started to cry. Mostly because I find it so incredibly disturbing how fucked up everything gets after you’ve been sexually abused. It just weaves it’s way in and out of every aspect of your life and there’s nothing you can do to stop it.

So that’s kind of where we are now. Having super awkward conversations about my weight and my sexuality. Please can I thrown a blanket over my head and hide away forever?