sometimes you need to let go

Some days things feel easier than others. The last little while things have felt hard. On Friday, we had another blowout--M and I. All because I didn't want to go outside. I offered alternatives that we could do together, but nothing made a difference. He absolutely exploded. And I just can't do it anymore. I …

if something doesn’t give, I won’t last the year

I have felt so tired these last few weeks. I get out of bed in the mornings, have a shower, come to work and can only think about how nice it would be to go back to bed. Things at home are not getting much better. I think it's part of the reason I force …

why did you come here?

Yesterday I saw T. It felt like a bit of a disaster really. I had sent him a message on Tuesday evening explaining how sometimes I'd like things to go back to the way they were before. He seemed a bit concerned. I guess he didn't really realize how much harder things have been (god, …

the way it used to be

At least once a day I ask myself if I knew how awful it would feel to feel all of the things I never felt for so many years, whether I would still go through everything I am going through. Most days I can't come up with a satisfying answer. I always thought it was …

forgery

one day you will decide to look back on all of the things you have done with your life you will take stock it will be the moment you realize I am gone it will be too late for you for me you will sit in the dark listening to nothing but the slow beating …

stormy Mondays

There's a lot going on inside but I can't seem to get the words out. I feel stuck in this place of not knowing even though I have no idea what I'm meant to have known. Something or someone is definitely missing. For today, I'll just post a picture of the weather outside. I think …