it’s a hazy world

biggest moon in solar system

Ganymede- Jupiter’s Moon

Life just feels a bit too hard this week.  I don’t seem to have a good sense of knowing things. Everything and everyone feels really, really far away. Some days it starts to feel like I’m losing my ability to communicate with anyone but myself. Something is standing between me and the world and I’m seeing things as though I’m looking through a permanent haze on glass that has been washed too many times.

I’m losing people more often than I’d like to admit. T and I are trying to figure it out, but it’s slow and hard work.

Is it feeling like you’re missing someone? Or is it something else? T inquires.

You are lost to me. Not connected. Forever gone.

How would it feel if you were unable to contact me? 

Bad. Really, really bad.

I feel panicked at my inability to lessen the feeling and make it better. I know it isn’t him that goes anywhere, it’s me. All the fucking time, it’s me. But that knowledge doesn’t make it feel better and it does nothing to lessen the panicky feeling that he isn’t there anymore.

I need to get out of this way of being but I don’t know how when there are no steps and I go from here to drowning within seconds.

One thought on “it’s a hazy world

  1. I have that permanent haze too. It is completely awful, like being underwater and looking through frosted glass. I’m so sorry you experience it so much too. I hope things get a little easier soon ❤️

    Like

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