secret keepers

Don't think you know what I've been through just as I don't know what you've been through. Perhaps our stories have similarities and perhaps parts of them can be the same but you don't know anything except what I want you to know. There are parts of my story I never want you to know. …

our therapy session

Tick, tick, tick goes the clock on the wall. Tick, tick, tick goes the little clock on the table. They both tick but not in unison and the incongruence grates on my nerves. Evidence of my past trauma weaves like a deep trench through my present story. Decades after the first improper touch I am …

exhausted

Everything that's ever happened is playing in my head constantly. I'm on the brink of exhaustion and I pray that tomorrow will be a different day. I'm trying to decide what to talk about but all I can come up with are empty thoughts. I feel an inherent tiredness that cannot be simply cured by …

sadness

Another week is done. A hard one. My world is flooding with need, storms and angst. This sadness. It's such a strange thing. Sometimes, no most of the time, I don't know how to stop the sadness. It feels too big, too consuming. What happens afterwards? Will there even be an afterwards? I sit here …

letters not sent–one year later

Dear T, Here I sit, one year later, in the exact same place where I told you I was never coming home again. So much has changed over the last year but parts of it remain exactly the same. Will there ever be a part of me that doesn't want to die? It doesn't matter …

text from my cousin

I received the text above from my cousin just this morning. She is the daughter of the Aunt who used to take care of me when I was younger (my Aunt's house where the majority of the abuse took place). She is also the cousin who caught her brother molesting me and did nothing about …