family matters

So my aunt, the one whose house I used to go to when I was smaller, is in the hospital with congestive heart failure. My mom doesn't seem to think she'll last too long. Most of me doesn't care, but a small part of me does. Not too long ago my uncle, her husband, was …

still here, still struggling

Well, here we are again. Trying to patiently wait for something we aren't quite sure even exists. Life is hard, yet we continue to put one foot in front of the other. Perhaps our will to live currently outweighs that of dying. We've been trying to be more honest in therapy and it's hard. The …

dissociation, eye contact and finding myself in an uncomfortable place

Last week I sent the following message to T: I’m not crazy. I’m not crazy, yet, I just saw it flicker out of the corner of my eye. I know something is in this room. Waiting. There is something that haunts the daytime and fills the nights with fear and dread. And as much as …

obesity

I have been overweight my entire life. Having freckles and wearing glasses just added to the multitude of names my cousins could come up to insult me with as we were growing up. Nobody ever did anything to stop it. And the weight continued to pile on. I've tried Weight Watchers numerous times, have had …

the shadow is back

It felt like things had been slowly getting back to what I can only say feels like a bit of normalcy. But another bad nightmare, plus some other things happening and we're back in the land of the darkness again. Hmmm where to begin. About a month ago, I got offered a new job. It's …

awkward coversations

Have you ever had those really awkward conversations with your therapist? Well, I broke down and told him about my horrible self-image issues with all the weight I've gained since I've started on my current meds. He was very nice and understanding--like always--but it still felt really uncomfortable. Two new issues came up during our …