So I’m going to be starting DBT at the beginning of March. I don’t really know what to expect but as with anything new I’m trying not to let my nerves get the better of me.
The woman I spoke with–Michelle–didn’t seem very keen on doing one-to-one DBT with me and during our first call told me that it was actually unethical to do so while I’m in therapy with my regular T. After a brief conversation with her I reluctantly ended up agreeing to do the group therapy however afterwards she ended up talking with my psychiatrist. Apparently my psychiatrist was adamant that I don’t do group therapy because she feels it will be too much for my anxiety. So now we’re back to one-to-one meetings and we’ll be working on emotion regulation skills.
My first thought when she told me it was unethical was that I’d done something wrong but she seemed much nicer on our second call and layed out a plan for moving forward. For now it’s going to be meeting over the telephone which for me feels like a total waste of time however she didn’t think it would be too long before we’d be able to meet in person. One thing I’m not too keen about is that the in-person sessions will take place at the hospital. I haven’t been back there since the fall of 2020 when I was held involuntarily and the thought of having to go through the doors of the mental health services wing makes me quite uncomfortable.
When I told T about the DBT I couldn’t really tell what he was thinking. He didn’t seem to side with it one way or the other but did put my mind at ease when I told him Michelle said it was unethical. He said the two therapies were completely different and that I shouldn’t worry about it. Besides, my psychiatrist would have flagged it if we were planning on doing anything wrong.
Have any of you done/are doing DBT? Did you find it helpful?
Next Wednesday I’m also meeting my new rheumatologist. My old one retired, so now it’s on to a new one. I hate meeting new doctors, especially when you have a decent repour with the one you had before. I don’t know why but I’m always nervous they’re going to tell me I don’t have lupus after all and it’s all been in my head. I know that’s not the way things go, but it’s the way my mind seems to want to work. I’m certain she’s going to comment on my weight (thanks seroquel!) and I’m sure that’ll just make me feel awful about it all.
Otherwise life seems to be flying by and I seem to be missing it all. Most of the time I’d rather be sleeping my days away but for some reason I have a good work ethic–or maybe it’s just shame that has been instilled within me ‘thou shalt not show weakness‘–which forces me to work even though my mind is screaming at me to hide away. I literally feel tired and drained all the time regardless of how much sleep I do get and I wonder sometimes if I will ever catch up on what was lost. Sometimes it’s just the every day things convincing your brain and your body there is no way out. We try our best to maintain a sense of normalcy, but we can’t always do so. I guess we need to learn to be okay with that. Maybe that’s something the DBT will help with. I don’t know. Something needs to shift though.