dark days

I woke up this morning and for a brief moment…forgot about my past. Then it all came flooding back. Time stood still. Everything felt hollow. I wished I could swap places with someone else. It should be them who has to live this way.

When someone hurts you that much, how do you…does it ever go away? Is it possible? How do we rise after falling? You can’t change the past or what happens to you. It’s a constant reminder that you’re different.

Everyone you love is capable of doing both great and terrible things. I want to forget everything that happened but it sleeps beside me every night and reminds me every morning. I live in survival mode, afraid to plant roots or plan for the future, terrified to trust or let happiness inside.

I am quiet most of the time. My words get frozen but my mind is loud. My mind is screaming. I wish I could share my words.

I want to howl at everyone and everything…