sadness

Another week is done. A hard one. My world is flooding with need, storms and angst.

This sadness. It’s such a strange thing. Sometimes, no most of the time, I don’t know how to stop the sadness. It feels too big, too consuming.

What happens afterwards? Will there even be an afterwards?

I sit here listening to the gentle pitter patter of raindrops outside of my window. Eventually there will be enough water that it washes away the past. Oh how I wish real life could be washed away so easily.

I’m trying to keep myself busy. I feel like I am at a stage of life where I can’t afford anything else. I feel helpless and broken.

I am starting to hide my feelings again. And I’m good at it…too good to be noticed. When you look at the surface, everything appears normal, but deep down I am scared and lonely.

Tomorrow, another week begins. I can’t help but wonder if it’s going to finally be the time where something starts to shift. I need it to happen more than anything because I can’t continue to live in this current state of hopelessness.