text from my cousin

I received the text above from my cousin just this morning. She is the daughter of the Aunt who used to take care of me when I was younger (my Aunt’s house where the majority of the abuse took place). She is also the cousin who caught her brother molesting me and did nothing about it.

I’m not sure how to respond to her. C and I will not be joining them for dinner on the Saturday night, that’s already been clarified. I am leaving on the Sunday to go and visit my Auntie and I also have to work the 16th and 17th. I just don’t know what to say about all of this at the moment. If I think about it too much I start to feel overly anxious and uncomfortable.

Do I want to see them? No, not at all. Do I want to get into a big argument about how I don’t want to see them? No, not at all.

If I agreed to let them come and visit it would most likely be the last time I would ever see them alive. Is it worth the pain and misery of an hour or so of my life to allow them into our home. C does really care about them, so would it be better if I just let them come and at least see him? I can keep myself occupied enough doing other things while they are there so it’s not like I’d have to sit and socialize to a great degree.

I am going to talk this through with T and then talk to my mother about it all as well. She seems to understand (at least to a small degree) that I don’t really want to see them or spend time with them. But I just don’t know how to feel about it at all.

Ugh, just when you think you’ve turned a corner the ugly beast rears it’s head again.