it’s done

On Wednesday evening my Auntie told my mother about the abuse I suffered from my two cousins.

On Thursday morning my mother came out and stayed camping with us.

Guess what she said to me?

Nothing. Not a fucking word about any of it other than my Auntie asked her to give me a hug which was awkward as fuck.

So there it is. Black and white. I knew the possibility was there that she’d say nothing but part of me didn’t believe she would actually say nothing.

I don’t really know where to go from here when it comes to my mother. I feel so utterly disappointed by everything she is and everything she has and hasn’t done.

I need to talk to T. This was not a good week for a holiday at all. :/

14 thoughts on “it’s done

  1. Shit Mac, that’s awful. Not surprising but still a shock. The timing stinks, why don’t these things happen on a therapy day? Can you contact T at all? He’d want you to, to be there for you. I’m so sorry she wasn’t there for you, you deserve a Mum who is. I also mentioned my abuse when I gave birth and she just turned her head away from in silence. It was so awkward, I really feel for you with that hug. Seriously. Words fail sometimes 😢

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeah, I shouldn’t be at all surprised by this…T and I discussed this very scenario after all…but still, a small part of me hoped for it to be different somehow.
      I’m sorry to hear about your mum’s reaction…the silence is so hard when all you want is validation from the one person who should always be there for you…xx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I hate when my hope catches me by surprise, when i realize that I’m still waiting for my mom to step up and be the mom that I need(ed). It makes me feel pathetic and weak and small and vulnerable and totally effing furious.

    I’m so sorry for her silence. It’s so terrible, to just have it be sitting there, unacknowledged. To be invalidated like that, to have your pain erased, by someone who’s meant to be our biggest cheerleader. It hurts and hurts and hurts and I’m so so sorry you know the sting and ache of it all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s so infuriating isn’t it? Knowing you’re setting yourself up for disappointment but not being able to stop yourself from letting it happen. I’m sitting here still waiting for something, anything, yet all I get is silence.


  3. Oh my darling. I am so sorry to read this. How fucking much of a let down does one woman have to be. I guess it’s true to firm but you’d hope (as we all do) that with that information she’d bloody step up. Big huge hugs to you. It’s not you. It’s never been you. Loads of love x

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks love. It’s hard not to feel like just this once it would’ve been different. But it wasn’t. It hasn’t been. Yet I still find myself hoping and waiting for her to change even though deep down I know it’s as good as it’s going to ever be…xx


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