muddling through

There’s been a big shift in therapy lately but I’m not quite ready to talk about it yet. I shared some rather big memories with T last week and ever since I’ve been floating in shame and muddling through my days. I’ll try to post more about it in the next few days once I settle the feelings around it all.

To top it off I’ve been thinking a lot about M and wonder if he’ll ever speak to me again. I feel like there’s more I should be doing but it’s not as though I can force him to speak with me, right? It seems like every time I speak with someone they ask about the boys and I just say they’re fine. Otherwise I worry I might burst into tears. I try to not let it bother me, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t. Ugh, I just wish things could be a bit easier when it comes to him. But thinking back, there has never been anything easy about raising M.

In my quest to do more art, I recently ordered some oil pastels and have been working with those. I like them, but they’re a bit finicky sometimes. I’ve also bought some new scrapbooking supplies and am excited to try those out.

I’m really enjoying expressing myself through art. Sometimes, it comes more easily than words. For now, I’ve been following tutorials online with how to work with the pastels but I hope to do more of my own things once I get the hang of it. Here’s a few that I’ve done recently….