things are s*%t

It’s been a very hard couple of weeks.

I haven’t done anything wrong. I know I haven’t done anything wrong. But I still feel like whatever is about to happen and the fallout that is sure to occur, will be because I didn’t do something properly.

My ex was reported to CAS (children’s aid society) last Wednesday. It wasn’t me that reported him either. That won’t matter to him though, once they get around to talking to him. Up until this point they haven’t even spoken to him about anything that’s transpired. They talked to my children and they’ve also spoken to me twice. Last evening the CAS worker came to my house, spent about 20 minutes sitting at my kitchen table and then left. It felt completely pointless.

I asked her what she thought I should do about this weekend because it’s the weekend the boys are supposed to go with their dad. She told me that ‘it is not my position to get involved in custody/access disputes and I can’t tell you what to do.’  Well, correct me if I am wrong but this has nothing to do with custody but is about the fact that he is being way too physical with the boys. Is that not what they’re for? To protect children from harm?

Then she told me that she ‘might‘ talk to him today or she ‘might‘ talk to him next week but that she’d have to speak to her supervisor and let me know. The only thing she did seem concerned about was whether or not the boys would mention CAS to their father if they went and what would happen. I told her he would be pissed. Then she wanted to know if he would be pissed at her and if she needed to worry about her safety. Like WTF?!?! She didn’t seem to really care whether or not the boys go there, so why would she be so worried about herself? She told me to ask the boys if they wanted to go and then let her know. Right, leave the decision up to 9 year-old and a 6 year-old. Obviously, to her, it’s her safety that matters.

This morning she called me back and said she talked to her supervisor and she is going to talk to him next week. Great! Thanks for all your help.

I feel like I’m being set up for something. Like I’ve done something wrong.

I didn’t report him and I can’t prevent someone else from thinking it’s not acceptable and calling to report it. I didn’t make up things that have happened. I told them that everything I know is based on what the boys have told me.

Now I’m left feeling like I have nothing to back me up in my decisions. Just like before. Just like always.

It’s bullshit if you ask me. It doesn’t feel like they are there to help at all and it simply reinforces my feelings that it’s better to just not say anything. Why does it always feel like it’s the person who says something that gets labelled as the over-reacting crazy person?

The boys are NOT going to their father’s this weekend. I don’t care. They have no way of calling if they need me, he obviously can’t control his temper around them and I also found out that he left my 9 year-old at home–ALONE–without even telling him and with absolutely no means of communication. If CAS doesn’t have a problem with it, then obviously it’s up to me to make sure it can’t happen again.

I think the system is broken. I just have no faith that it works the way it’s meant to. I had nothing to gain in any of this yet I’m the one who feels like I’ve done something wrong by saying something.

To make things worse, things with T feel difficult. I don’t know what it is really but I don’t like it. Not at all. I told him he should just go. Just get out and forget about it all.

I feel so defeated by everything and like I can’t trust anyone.

9 thoughts on “things are s*%t

  1. That sounds like an awful situation to be in, I can’t imagine how stressed about the whole thing you must be and the pressure it’s probably putting on the boys too. That CAS worker sounds flipping useless, I can understand why she’d be worried going into a possibly aggressive mans home, but it’s not something she should have put on you, that’s something she should have discussed with her supervisor and taken a colleague with her if she needs to!
    I know they can’t get involved in custody disputes, but even a simple “if you’re worried about his temper or any of his behaviour around your boys maybe you should call (no idea but there must be someone) and go with your gut instinct about whether to send them”….it wouldn’t have been that hard surely to show some compassion :/
    Really hope things get settled quickly and there’s no backlash over the whole thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks.
      It’s been pretty rough.
      I texted to say the boys weren’t going to be going with Dad and the shit’s hit the fan with the ex’s wife firing off about 10 nasty text messages. I kept my wits about me and didn’t answer. It’s going to be on long-ass weekend that’s for certain.

      Like

      • oh that woman doesn’t know when to keep her nose out. Hope you’re keeping a record of her abusive venom. Fingers crossed it’s calmed down today and you and the boys are managing to have some fun this weekend x

        Liked by 1 person

    • yeps–it’s our version of child protection in Canada.
      I haven’t heard anything from her since last Friday when she told me she would talk to him this week. I’m assuming it hasn’t happened yet because the shit hasn’t hit the fan and I haven’t received any nasty messages or phone calls.
      As of today it’ll be two weeks since it was reported.
      I think it’s a bit of a joke truthfully and I’m a bit pissed that she’s started the investigation by talking to myself and the boys, but not the person who the complaint was about. Makes me think something else is going on that I’m not aware of.

      Liked by 1 person

      • wow! thats appalling, but nice to know they’re all global fcukups & its not just our country!

        i reported anonymously recently & they did the same thing – came to me first, so i reminded them my complaint was anon, did they know what that was?
        i think they start with the easiest option first instead of where the greatest risk is.

        i hope you hear something soon cos that’s a freaking long wait!!

        Like

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