My Auntie told me something. She told me a lot of things actually, but there’s one thing that’s stuck in my head at the moment.
Most of the time they didn’t really want you.
When you were around we had to make sure
that we kept you quiet
because you were always
too much for them.
She never spoke about my brother. Just me. Me, and the fact that my parents didn’t want me. Well, for the most part anyways.
How is a person supposed to feel about that? It’s one thing to think and feel that you weren’t wanted. But it’s completely different when someone says it out loud.
I didn’t repeat any of the things she said to anyone. Not until I could tell T. It took me almost the entire session, but I did. He says it’s a big hurt and that we will have to talk more about it. He does think that part of them loved me, but I don’t know. Sometimes I think he just says that so I don’t feel so bad.
It’s got me questioning everything.
If one’s own parents didn’t want them, how could a person ever feel like they truly belong?