is it time?

I am in the mood to dissolve in the sky
-Virginia Woolf

Do you ever get that feeling where you feel something so deep, and it’s on the tip of your tongue and you’re hoping it’s going to spill out in conversation somewhere but you just can’t put your finger on what it is so you can’t put it into words? So, it just remains there and you don’t know where you’re going with it or where it’s going with you. You can’t take your mind off of it, or the way you feel about it, and you just end up lost in it until…….until whenever.

I feel done with it all–therapy, vacations, me, the memories, the nightmares, being a single parent, work–life in general, I suppose. I feel as though I’m going backwards and don’t really see the point of it all. I’d like to simply disappear forever.

I didn’t want to be here again–in this dark place where I question everything about my existence–but it’s happened. And now I must find my way out of it….or not. Maybe it’s finally the point where enough is enough. I don’t know.

I feel like I don’t know anything anymore.

4 thoughts on “is it time?

  1. I’ve had that feeling. Especially the feeling of enough is enough. I’ve felt my body ready to implode under the weight of that thought. Please know that you are not alone. You matter. You are important. I’m so sorry you are struggling. I hope easier minutes and hours and days lie ahead for you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks for your lovely message…I’m so sorry you can relate.
      I’m trying to talk it through with T, but the words are thick in my head and are moving slow as molasses. It’s such hard work and doesn’t leave much space for anything else.
      I’m still fighting my way through it all.
      I do hope things get easier for you too!!

      Liked by 1 person

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