what got me to here–part 1

***TW: childhood sexual abuse, violence, rape T is away. I’ve been having a lot of nightmares about the abuse, but he is away and I don’t know what to do. I feel scared and alone. T always says that if we can just get what’s on the inside, to the outside, it won’t seem so …

summer break–part 2

Is it just me or does being in therapy during the summer months feel eerily similar to the childhood game of monkey in the middle? Summer vacations (aka dreaded breaks from T), just like that game, often leave you feeling like the one thing you need in order to win is being kept away from you. You …

family and addictions

I asked T a question today. I wanted to know if those with addictions were able to tell the truth. He seemed to think that it was possible--not all of the time, but sometimes. My mother drinks too much. Her middle sister is addicted to vicodin. Her youngest sister drinks and is addicted to percocet. …

standing your ground

Do you ever find yourself suddenly having enough, like really having enough of taking crap from someone? Out of the blue, you sort of just have one of those 'what the fuck do I have to lose by standing my ground' moments? I find myself sitting here and finally making sense of something I've struggled …

the ties that bind

There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your family. You take what the fates hand you and like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not…you cope. Some people believe that without history, our lives amount to nothing. Our history is what shapes us... what guides us. I have family …

courage

People talk about courage. What does it mean? Is it a shattering of walls? Walls I told myself I'd always be safe in. I'm caught between who they told me I was and who I truly am. I am trying to make my way from one to the other. Is that what courage is? Is …