When I was younger, the only way I was able to survive was to create a world of my own. Even now, I have trouble accessing it a lot of the time.
After all of these years, the questions still cycle through my mind. Will I ever really let anyone into my world? The one that others don’t see? I wonder if there will be enough room for more than just me? If I open the gates, will I remain the same? Will they?
It’s hard to know what the right thing is. It’s hard to know the answers.
How do you trust enough to open the gates? How do you know it’s safe enough when you don’t remember what being safe feels like? How do we take care of those wounds wrapped in bubble wrap with the bright orange stickers that say ‘Fragile: Handle With Care‘?
Most days it feels like the universe has split open and everything that I know has somehow changed. The only thing that seems to matter is that it all feels wrong.
All I want is for someone else to see it, to help make sense of it, to say out loud…this is fucked up shit that has and is still happening to you. It’s wrong and it sucks.
I feel stretched too thin. There is more going on than I can handle at the moment and I think I must retreat back into my own little world for awhile.