When talking fails

One day, a little while ago, when I couldn’t string words into sentences and the only thing going through my mind was, ‘life is so unfair because some people are  just assholes’, I picked up some pieces of paper and started putting things down (random words, doodles, memories etc.). By the time I was finished I had come up with 7 different pages. Afterwards, I folded them in half and put them away.

I found them just the other day. They brought back so many memories and feelings.

Sitting back all these months later it still shocks me to see the number of people and the length of time the sexual abuse persisted. Mixed into those events were my parents and their lack of, well, everything.

The page labelled L, is my ex-husband (and no, the L does not stand for Loser, although it wouldn’t be incorrect). He fits into the ‘some people are assholes‘ category.

Life is too hard sometimes. For me, the worst part about trauma–you live through it, you have to prove it’s true if you decide to tell and when you reach the point where you want to heal you have to go through it all over again. The last point, where you have to go through it all over again, that’s the part that I have a hard time accepting because nothing you can say or do makes any of it fair.

Anyways, here they are.

Untitled (00B)Untitled (00C)Untitled (00D)

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2 thoughts on “When talking fails

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