tell me

Gray Tree Piet Mondrian

Piet Mondrian

When will it make sense? When will it end? There is no benchmark by which to measure the success or failure of it all because I am in a place I’ve never been before. I don’t know if there are steps and stages but if there are, I have no idea where I fit.

Tell me how much longer this is going to take.

1 year?

2 years?

3 or more?

Please don’t use ‘eventually‘ as any part of the answer. I hate the word. It feels like another synonym for ‘you must learn to be patient‘. I’m pretty much over being patient and I panic at the thought of this lasting for the rest of my life. Three years in and I still can barely comprehend the ups and downs, backwards and forwards of it all.

The questions are complicated but the answers even moreso.

Nothing is straightforward.

Nothing is as it appears.

Nothing will ever be the same again.

3 thoughts on “tell me

  1. As much as you don’t want to hear this, patience is key. It isn’t about waiting it is about what you do while you wait. Are you being productive in helping yourself along or are you watching the clock?
    In the beginning for me, I sounded just like you but once I started to pass the time by researching and learning, I began to grow and with growth came healing. I hope this gives a little insight and not aggravation. I send good vibes your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. No aggravation or offence taken whatsoever. I think sometimes when you’re in the thick of things you don’t realize you’re in the thick of things. Know what I mean?

    I’m trying to keep myself busy, without letting it all overthrow my life. I just find lately everything is hitting at once and I’m in a bit of a funk.

    Thanks for the support!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I have to agree with Revenge of Eve. I am pretty old and had abuse and other issues that gave me ptsd, and I find that some things get better sometime, then something else goes up and down, and sometimes you have the greatest breakthorughs and then you forget them or are too eager to go to the next imaginary thing, just like real life–good luck with it and being able to balance yourself and have compassion for yourself.


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