Needing to escape


Lake Superior–storm clouds

The big lake is calling to me. It’s been too long and I need to be near her. I need to breathe the clean air and feel the biting wind upon my face. I feel uncomfortable and antsy. I want to scratch my skin off.

I lived through it all once. It feels entirely unfair that I have to live through it again in order to hopefully feel better about it. It feels entirely unfair that they go about their lives without a care in the world.

They don’t care. That is the truth. Not about what they did, what they destroyed or what they left behind in the madness.

I feel lost in this life of mine. Lost and floating and unsure of how to tether myself to anything or anyone.

I want out. I want it to be over. This journey feels too long. Too hard.

One thought on “Needing to escape

  1. I’m so sorry for your pain; I know it all to well. I often wonder ‘how long’ before I start feeling like I have the upper hand with this recovery, learning to be patient with myself and to allow myself to just feel is one of my biggest challenges. Feelings are uncomfortable, unsafe. I’m figuring it out slowly, reconnecting to myself and my body; you will too – in your own time. Be kind to yourself. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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