Her

true-love-arti-chauhan

Arti Chauhan

In the animal kingdom, an elephant mother is very nurturing and protective of her offspring, especially in the earliest stages of their life. When young elephants do encounter the dangers of their habitats, their mothers are quick to intervene. There is nothing more important than love.

Maybe some human mothers could learn a few things from elephant mothers.

I cannot change who my mother is. Until the day I die, she will be my mother.

It is a different kind of hurt that happens when you are completely failed by the one person who is meant to love you. Nobody is perfect, but there comes a point where the imperfection becomes damaging and leaves a person feeling broken from the inside out.

I have dealt with my past by hiding within myself, stuffing everything down and carrying on.

My mother deals with her demons by hiding in the bottle. She’s drinking again. A child of alcoholics, she copes the same way her parents did. I’ve given up talking to her about it because she just gets angry at me.

So, I am doing the only things I know how to do. Increasing the space between us. Shorter conversations. Less time in the same room. I am avoiding anything that will allow her to form any opinion on how I live my life. I am biting my tongue to avoid confrontation.

I am angry. I am disappointed. I am overwhelmed.

I feel as though I am imploding.

She is my mother. I am her child. Whatever it is that we have between us feels like it is dissolving. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to feel about anything that has to do with her anymore.

One thought on “Her

  1. Alcohol so distorts a person and I can see why you limit your time to protect yourself from toxicity. There wouldn’t have been a relationship with mine had she not given up drinking. AA helped her tremendously. She said I had a lot to do with it the day I said ‘no’ to going to the liquor store to pick up her usual bottle for her. I was of age but just barely, so about 18. I hadn’t realized that was a pivotal point for her.

    Liked by 1 person

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