I censor my feelings. I find it difficult to know what’s right or wrong as nothing seems to belong to me. Everything is based on what I think I should feel, rather than what I do feel.
I’ve put them away. They are over there somewhere. The locked and impenetrable wooden box that sits in the corner holds my feelings. I have a thousand keys and not one of them seems to fit.
I feel defeated.
I didn’t want to end up in this place again. I’ve been here before. I thought I was doing okay a while ago but it feels as though I’ve fallen and am descending into a dark endless chasm. I had hoped it wouldn’t happen. But it has.
The constant whisper persists, I can’t do this anymore.
I see my therapist later today. I think it will be a good thing. Maybe he will know how to help me find the key.