The biggest battle I fight is within my own mind. I am at war with myself. Wanting to leave, but wanting to stay. Wanting to move closer, but wanting to push away. Wanting to care, but afraid to.
Some days the pain is so constricting it’s a struggle just to breathe. The frustration is mounting. I have never been able to express myself the way that I want, so I swallow it down because I cannot deal with the way it feels.
The voices of my past tell me everything that is wrong with me. They echo inside my mind. Sometimes they are barely a whisper and if I try hard enough I can almost ignore them. Other times they roar so loudly they deafen me.
It is a constant fight to convince yourself that this is better than not being alive.
I need out of this battle. It’s not okay. It hasn’t been okay for a really, really long time.